Broken Soul Project

Overcome
This will not be my end. This will be my new beginning. Time moves on and together we will overcome. I know I'm in pain right now but I will overcome. The trials of hell make for an even better heaven. The tears that I shed will be washed away. The people who love me and I mean truly love me will help me I just gotta put my hand out. I wanna see my future not have people stop by my tombstone and tell me. I know it hurts but I gotta keep going. One day I will love myself I just gotta take my baby steps along the way. If I should fall back I know those who love me will help me get back on the right path. I will overcome might not be today or tomorrow but I will get there. I will have my time here on earth. I will not cut it early. I can't let myself give up anymore. I can't. I refuse. I'll rise like a Phoenix and I'll take flight. This is my promise to myself. I will overcome.

Cold Waters
The sadness overtakes me like a wave coming in. I thought I'd be able to stand it but it ripped me out too sea. I can see the open air but it's not in reach. Some miles out it feels like I can see the sharks start to circle smelling fresh blood. Part of me wishes they would take a bite but yet I still fight for freedom. I'm low on oxygen my lungs can only hold so much. Somebody save me I think to myself but in the water nobody hears you scream. My body feels weak, toy can only kick for so long before your body gives in. So I'll just lay in the cold waters till something happens. Will the sharks take me or will I find fresh breath? Time will tell.

Who'd You Be And Where Are You?

I wonder who'd you be today if you lived thru everything. Would you have changed or stayed the same. Would we have made peace? Or would I hate you more? Your demons still hang around in my mind. I still remember the day like it was yesterday and here I am almost 14 years later. Would you be proud of me or ashamed? As much as I hate you God knows I miss you. I miss the man you could have been if you just put the drugs down even if I never met him. I'm sorry dad I wasn't good enough for you to get clean. Maybe just maybe you told the truth and got saved right before you died. Maybe your up above with Nana and Uncle Billy and maybe yall get along now. I hope so, in all your pain here on earth there you are pain free. I miss you dad. I hope I'll see you again in the next life and we can be a real family.

Betrayal
I’m tired of betraying myself. I’ll build my own bridge then just burn it down when I’m halfway across. I never gave myself a warning. The fire burns bright. But I’ll keep fighting back. I got too much to fight for. I’m not giving in. I’ll light the fire within myself and burn out the negative. I’m no longer rolling over. It me vs my mind and I’m not giving up anymore. No matter what I’ll keep moving forward. This is my own personal hell that I’ll turn into my own paradise. There will be no stalemate. There will be no surrender. F**k the lies I’ve told myself. I’ll be the man I wanna be. I won’t let my mind destroy me anymore. There won’t be anymore betrayal. Cause I know who the enemy is. This will be my victory.

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Clean
I wonder if you would have ever gotten clean? It’s been 13 years since you were here on earth. 13 years and I still miss and hate you. I’ll never know why the hell you chose drugs over us, or did what you did to us. You never earned the term dad. You could have tho. I still have dreams about what you would have been like if you were clean. Playing baseball and watching football but I never got that. Instead I got the world’s short end of the stick on dads. I know there are people who have it worse but damn you were supposed to show me what it took to be a man instead you showed me what it took to be a monster. Still I’d give anything to just have one true conversation with you. I don’t know if your in heaven or hell. I know you said you were saved but you lied a lot to the point I don’t trust you even tho you’re gone. I wonder what you think of me? If your proud or angry at me? I still love you even after everything. Is been 13 years pop…. And still I miss you.
Edward Leon House
11/18/1955 - 10/10/2009

Road to Heaven
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions but I have another part to add. The road to Heaven is paved with the stones from hell. You see you will never truly understand happiness till you’ve been in hell. You’ll never enjoy life until you wanted to die. The taste of freedom is better then the taste of a gun in your mouth trust me I would know. See storms are coming but stand your ground don’t give an inch and stand 10 foot tall for your paradise is on the other side. Hell can be your house but it’ll never be your home. You gotta let go of the pain to heal. And that’s coming from someone who’s own mind still fights me everyday. It tells me still that hell can be a home and that the taste of regret will never leave. But I have to know better because my time isn’t over no it’s just begun. My time will be heard about for multiple generations not a single generation. The hell in my own mind will not overcome the peace that I’m building. The reign of depression will soon be over for I’ve learned what it takes to overcome for if I haven’t I would have overdosed. I’m packing my bags with stones for my heaven is at hand and I’m not giving in!

Throw me in the ocean and see if I care.
The burning in my lungs feel like fresh air.
You degrade me in every which way…
But today I no longer care.
Send me to hell and it’ll feel like heaven.
For there is peace in the fire, the devil knows me well and to be honest I don’t care.
The fire is wild but it feels like home.
Just another man who kept throwing there stones.
The stones you threw built the road to hell but alls well that ends well.
I’ll see you again.

Pops
You know I wonder had you lived what would you be like today? Clean and sober or the same old same? You said you loved us but you have a fu**ed up way of showing it. Let’s be honest everyone’s life would have been easier if I had not been born or you flatlined when you had the heart attack when mom was pregnant. Life’s fu**ed up ain’t it? You used to be my hero before my rose colored glasses got shattered. I remember the hell you put me thru. Learned how to be a man by being your opposite and yet I still fail. You did to me what no person should ever go thru. But I guess if your in hell I’ll see you again someday

Voices…
The voices in my head are screaming. There giving me no rest. All they wanna do is talk about death. I try and make them quiet with w**d and alcohol but that only works for a while. Sometimes I even agree with them but I can’t find the courage to pull the trigger. Part of me wants to die and the other wants to live. I don’t know if I can find a balance in between. The only thing the voices agree on is the next life will be the best life. Wether it be Heaven, Hell, or Reincarnation. Honestly I just hope it’s a dark void where the voices go silent. I’m tired of fighting but I can’t give up. To fight is to live. To surrender is surely death.

Enemy in me
I’m My own worst enemy. No devils just me. I ruin good things for myself. I break me down. I’m the reason I want to die. How did it ever come to this? What happened to kids that loved life and had dreams for the future. If he saw me today he’d be disgusted at us. I need the strength to fight again. I need that spark again. I need to take my life back from myself. If not then I’ll be in the grave by 27 and join the club. One day I’ll be able to be truly happy but today I’m just striving to survive. Despite overwhelming odds tomorrow will come I just have to be alive to appreciate the beauty. This will be the turning point in this chapter. This is the part where we heal, and learn to love ourselves otherwise death awaits. I have to make the enemy in me die out without completely dying.